My sister LeAnn has been my biggest supporter when it comes to writing. She has encouraged me for years to journal and express myself through writing and I think of her every time I begin to write. I hear her voice reminding me to "just write". I have a hard time "just writing" though. There is always a method to it's madness for me. Those key moments when my head wants to explode from all the mind running going on, tend to inspire me to start my version of story telling. I want the words to unfold the story that is my life as it's happening or coming back to me through memory. Still, at times I hesitate to write down all of what comes to mind out of the anxiety of what that might actually reveal. It becomes a very personal experience for me that I have to be ready for. Essentially once I write, I'm no longer keeping it to myself. When I write I write to the reader directly, whoever that may be in that particular context. Whether it's to my future self through a private journal, or here on an online blog where I'm choosing to share it with anyone who wants to listen. Once the thoughts are out of the cage in my head, I am open and exposed. I am vulnerable.
Since all of this cancer stuff started again, there has yet to be a dull moment. Some sort of low and some sort of high, sometimes completely separate from each other and sometimes completely intertwined. A roller-coaster of a ride that I keep finding myself back on. I'm relieved however to have these selected moments of quiet where I can once again sit and be alone with my varied thoughts and stare into an open notebook. Many many times I restart my love affair with writing with all good intentions~ to share a personal experience. I start with an idea in mind, a particular way I want to approach each entry. I set up the scene and start skipping down the path...
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